#but that literally Does Not Fucking Matter in prey bcs no matter what you do the outcome on earth is the same its just whether u ''failed''

[gxos]

watching phisnom play prey almost makes me want to replay it. Almost.

[ms0milk]

kishibe's nsfw alphabet

just wanna be kishibe's unbreakable toy [cw] uuh, he's a little fucked up actually. mentions of predator/prey, creampie, dom/sub dynamics, subspace-kinda, dacryphilia, overstim. descriptions of dubcon, throat fucking, sadism MDNI.

✎  ༘⋆alphabet masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

mm it takes him a while to graduate from: lighting a cigarette and leaving, to: not stopping you when you invite yourself to join him in the shower.

As you become more and more a part of each other’s lives, he takes time to spread balm on your bruises or bandage the places where his nails dug into your body from gripping too tight. He’s got focus like a mechanic, more than a doctor, as he dabs alcohol on bite marks along your shoulder. He won’t admit it he doesn’t actually realize, but he so, so badly does not want you to break.

B = Body Part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Kishibe is 1000% a thigh man. Size doesn’t matter, length doesn’t matter, color, hair, muscle, fat, he doesn’t fucking care. He just wants to mark them up, and then watch them buckle underneath of you as he fucks you to your limit over the kitchen counter. Thighs never lie.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

I don’t think this man has much interest in cum past the methods necessary to get his cum into you. Kishibe loves how tidily you swallow every drop, he loves how much easier it makes his life and he loves that you can take it.

D = Dirty Secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

How do I explain to you that this man is insane. He is clinically deranged, can you fathom a sexual secret of his so terrible that he hasn’t told a soul????

imo, any sexual secret he’s keeping isn’t ‘being kept’ so much as ‘he doesn’t have anyone to tell bc they all died before he could make a single friend.’ Who’s he gonna tell that he wears a buttplug in the field just to feel something? God? You. That’s all he has. It takes shame to keep a secret, which is a burden he does not bear.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Uhh yeah, it’s common knowledge that Kishibe is the office slut and has held the title for like 25+ years. First he was the prettyboy recruit, then the lonewolf bachelor, and now he’s the seemingly immortal dilf that brushes his stubbly cheek against yours from behind when he drops paperwork off at your desk.

Kishibe will fuck anything with a proper pulse, but most living things can’t survive him (this is literal only very rarely). So he has plenty of sexual experience, but the only real experience he has truly letting loose is in a fist fight to the death. You’re new.

F = Favorite Position (this goes without saying)

From behind, from behind, from behind– he wants to shove you into every surface, he wants to pull your hair and grab your ass, he wants sneak up behind you in the kitchen with a hand over your mouth and sink inside as deep as you’ll let him

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Kishibe is not a silly gentleman, and as predictable as this sounds I just cannot milk a more creative answer out of me. However! you can make him smile.

When you call him the name he's only ever told you (as he softens with age), he’ll do it, the corners of his lips will curve up even slightly. Even if it’s only to himself and even if it’s hours– days later– when he’s alone somewhere, you’re still the one that’s making him do it over a bowl of cold noodles in a piece of shit udon stall somewhere.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He’s trimmed, but not much thought past the monthly clean-up goes into his grooming routine. Kishibe likes to be tidy, but he’s not getting creative and he’s not too concerned about your preferences on the matter. He has the smallest little happy trail that threatens over the top of his briefs, which often makes you smile :)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Sue me, I just think Kishibe is a soft sentimental man. Not physically soft, but I think he can be very romantic in his own way. His face will never change, worry, joy, or sadness, but he’s not a demon. He feels. As a matter of fact he’s actually quite surprised with how much time he spends thinking about you and all the different faces you make for him throughout the day. Sexual or not.

If you’ve had a difficult day he’ll spend hours upon hours working you up into a weepy wet mess in his lap and you know it’s to comfort you even if you’re so sensitive it hurts. My favorite thing about him is that no matter how rough he’s being, or how badly he’s marking you up, if you hold his face and kiss him he will always cup your cheeks and kiss you back.

J = Jack Off (masturbation headcanon)

He masturbates a normal amount for a man who works full time, maybe a few times a week outside the bedroom, but it’s almost always to satisfy some monkey-brain urge and not because he’s actually horny. If he were, he’d simply stuff you full at the office or bring you home with him after work.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Lord forgive me, this man could be game for anything at any moment. Kishibe loves catching you off guard, he loves to hunt you, he loves giving you whispered orders, he loves to tie you up, he loves the ownership that comes with cumming inside you– he will never cum anywhere else. He wants to make you cry. He loves fucking you in public, and he then loves getting caught. More than anything he wants your heart to race with anticipation and just a little fear.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

A bed or couch will do just fine, but since meeting you he’s become a bit of an exhibitionist. He likes to use you on the balcony, against your bedroom window, in the office bathroom, in alleys, even on your desk after hours. Someone watching him doesn’t really get him off, but Kishibe quite likes the way you react when a coworker walks past the stall he's teasing you in. Or when you see a neighbor on their balcony across the street and clutch his biceps to slow down as he fucks you into his lap.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

He’s not fully aware of it, but domesticity is so rare in his line of work that it’s almost taboo and it turns him on so goddamn much. Watching you try to work the blood out of his clothes with your stupid little stain remover pen 😶 Realizing he’s nodding off as you read a mission report out loud beside him 😧 When he spends the night and you pack him a lunch too, before you both head out for work 😳

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Kishibe does not want to damage you. He wants to push you, mark you, he’ll hurt you, but for the first time in his life he doesn’t truly want to test the warranty of his unbreakable toy.

He’ll tell himself how good it feels to use his full strength when he cracks his belt against your ass to hear you cry and feel you tighten around him, but tbh, he'll always stop short of letting loose. Even if you ask him to, he’ll give you enough to fuck you unconscious but will never truly give 100%. He’s afraid. He also doesn’t realize this.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He prefers receiving, and more than that he loves to choke you with his cum 🤠

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He’s a polite, straightforward and stoic man but he is so, so rough with you. He’ll grip your waist hard enough to bruise and practically lift you off the ground to bounce you on his cock as fast as he wants it. There is no mercy when he backs you against a wall. He pinches your mouth open with a rough hand and fucks your throat deep enough it stifles any choked sounds you might be making.

He only moves slowly, a light touch of his tongue or fingers, when he wants you to join him at the brink of legitimate insanity

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickie king yessir, Kishibe knows how to maximize the amount of time you have between missions or on your paltry lunch breaks, although a quickie with Kishibe means he’s going to be selfish and there’s no way around it. Sometimes being selfish looks like using any hole of his choosing to release some pent-up energy and leave you gasping, and sometimes it looks like going down on you on the bathroom counter with his arms locked so tightly around your thighs you can’t escape.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

What would he even consider risky? Fucking above a vat of acid? He’s game. A new kink? What, you wanna drink his blood? Sure. He’s creative, he’s got time, and he’s all in for you.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

You are precious to Kishibe, regardless of whether he admits it, realizes it, tells you, tells himself, or does anything about it. No matter what he does, you don’t break. You’re a miracle. He’s fucked your body into a shape perfectly molded for him alone. He can exhaust himself with you and will attempt exhaustion every time.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Unfortunately for you yes, Kishibe does own toys and he very much likes watching you use them. “Use” is a strong word, more, he likes watching you break under them, r.i.p friend. His penchant for overstimulation translates directly to vibrators, ropes, and plugs of all sizes. But don’t worry! he’s not trying to legitimately hurt you, he just likes to push you to your limit, every. single. time

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

I would say he likes it too much, if tease was the right word. Again, he likes to test your physical limits, and if being teased or edged gets a reaction out of you, ofc he’s gonna see just how much you can handle before you’re a stupid, limp puddle in his arms.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not making a pleasured peep past grunting or sighing, but his expressions say it all! Every clench of his jaw, or furrow of his brow that breaks his calm demeanor is the thing feral dreams are made of i SWEAR. Sometimes his placid eyes blink to life the second he realizes your legs are giving out and he’s one step closer to breaking that soft mind of yours for the night.

W = Wild Card (a random headcanon for the character)

Kishibe's a little playful ☠️ He likes to sneak up on you, especially if he’s had a slow day at work, at the worst possible times just because he knows it’ll make your heart race even faster if you think he’s a devil. He’ll catch papers you drop at work by throwing a letter opener across the office and nailing them to the wall. His skill as a hunter is sexy, but he plays too much fr

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I know he’s 50, I know he’s an emotionally withered husk that survives on cigarettes and liquor, but he put two grown humans in a head lock, lifted them off the ground, and then broke both their necks with his forearms. I just think he’s built like a tank, liquid diet be damned, I think his body is one of those hauntingly beautiful abandoned catholic churches where you go to try and fuck the devil.

Kishibe has scars over every inch of his body, most of them pointing to injuries no one could have survived, and some that look like he carved them himself out of boredom. He’s lean but absolutely solid– no rippling abs or swollen pecs– just full soft edges that promise power. His dick is a perfectly normal length, with a perfectly sweet upward curve, and a perfectly evil girth that makes your jaw sore to look at and makes your brain soup when he stretches you around it.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Kishibe isn’t very lustful. He’s horny and he’s hot and has accepted every many a hookup request from coworkers, civilians, and devils. But if he never had sex again, he’d be completely fine. You’re only the second person he’s ever actively felt attracted to in his life and it’s because you’re so goddamn durable. It just so happens your durability is in the bedroom and not a sparring ring, so he entertains himself with you there. Believe me, he doesn’t leave you wanting for much in the sexual satisfaction department.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Staying up late with Kishibe is sweet peace. Sex doesn’t put him to sleep, but neither does anything else, so sometimes when you have the energy you stay up late, you join the devil hunter in sitting on your balcony and watching the stars. It’s a funny thing watching the man of immortal apathy light up a cigarette beside you as dawn tickles the sky

When you inevitably fall asleep, Kishibe pinches his cig in his lips and pulls your blanket up to your chin, or watches you from the corner of his eye to make sure nothing changes in the rhythm of your breathing. He puts his cigarette out if the wind blows in your direction. He loves you very much.

which character do you want next? send a request!

[silverasks]

earthspark season 2 episode 2 thoughts spoilers ahead

Nightshade can just turn their head all the way around AND I LOVE IT YES MORE BIRD DETAILS I LOVE BIRDS OF PREY SO MUCH

thrash references a horror movie trope, who let him watch horror movies bc I KNOW it wasn’t Alex or Dot

moe first accused the emberstone of being something out of a horror movie and yet good things happened because of it, maybe now she associates horror movie tropes with good things or the emberstone

this doesn’t feel very connected to season 1, it feels like a separate series using the same characters, idk maybe it’s just the time skip messing me up, wish we could’ve seen more Terran-Malto bonding time in the earlier days

are they going to find the weapon starscream referenced in Last episode, feels a lot early for that

animation feels cheaper, but it has been a hot second sense I’ve watched season 1

no one’s really taking the literal children’s near death experiences very seriously, last season dot was so anxious about it but last episode Robbie got pretty close to falling to his death and she doesn’t bat an eye, makes me wonder how she’ll react to how close moe has come to falling to her death or being impaled multiple times

THAT LOOKS LIKE A QUINTISON! RUN! PLEASE! NONONONONO

THE E G G

ORB

oh who is that, think I saw them in the trailer somewhere

Part of the quintis-Wha now, can’t understand it so matter how many times I replay it

just leaves them there

popsicles In the shape of a boot…. Certainly interesting

ok parents actually care again ig

OH! They followed them home, how……..creepy? Idk

offers food doesn’t take it proceeds to trap them in the barn, you know the place where the Terrans hang out, you don’t think someone who hangs out there all the time might see, like idk NIGHTSHADE

OH MY GODS I CALLED IT ITS A QUINTISON I FUCKING CALLED IT

a QUINTISON EXACUTIONER I-I-I knew it would be bad

also I liked the theory that quintisons would show up in season 2 but now that it’s actually happening I don’t like it very much

oh look it’s your sibling species go make friends

ITS CORN a big lump with knobs it has the juice it has the juice can’t imagine a more beautiful thing

where’s mr fluffy ears? Did shockwave steal em

thought for sure this guy was going to be a manipulative mentor figure but nope there just a serial killer

thrash has heelys, why not

THEY RUN ON ALL FOURS OH MY GODS IM STARTING TO LOVE THEM A LITTLE

oh so when ROBBIE throws his life on the line it’s mostly fine but when moe does it suddenly that requires a lecture ok I see how it is

she just gets YOINKED

where are the outher Terrans only saw twitch for a bit

wsit just remembered there on patrol

gegory, what the f*** are you doing. HOW DID YOU GET UP THERE!

au idea: when moe has her cybersuit on she’s recognized as a quintison youngling and gets adopted by the executioner

meme idea from au: exacutioner, pointing to moe: what is with this sassy lost child

ok but quintis literally did abandon you, would have sent a dream or something if he didn’t

please tell me dude can’t regen like a planarian flatworms

[painonthebrain]

I’m gonna be honest watching everything with @/emmettworld go down is just kinda sad and also makes me. Conflicted?

Idk proship vs anti shit below cut im just . I probably shouldnt be writing anything rn bc my brain isn’t functioning for. Some fucking reason but whatever i do what i want

Like I don’t define myself as proship bc I think the whole pro vs anti thing is like. Ugh I can’t find the words. Idk it’s like.

Like I don’t want to call myself proship because. I have so many friends who will tear me apart for that and itll ruin our relationships and I love them and also I hate like. Having to attribute myself to a “side” but like. I’m completely fine with everything fictional. Yes. I don’t care, as long as it’s properly tagged, warned, etc.

Also I ship stuff like selfcest and clonecest so. Idk I don’t think antis do that.

And anti culture reeks of ew ew ew this (fiction) is gross! It shouldn’t exist AT ALL! And proship culture reeks of oh my god these stupid baby minors this is FICTION. DUH. Youre all beneath me

Anyway I know theres at least one moot i i can think of who has proship dni in their intro and like... if ur reading this. hi. I dont call myself proship but i certainly have some of the beliefs which is why i interact but if you’re uncomfortable u can totally block me like. Im not doing this to be some shady imposter who lurks in the dark i just dont label myself as any of this shit!!

im like. Lowkey terrified of how people are going to react to this post bc im HORRIBLE at using my words rn but like.

Like i just want people to make whatever tf they want to make! It shouldn’t be a person’s problem to “sanitize” themselves! And also fictional characters are quite literally made up people we create to do whatever the fuck we want to them! But also it’s important (in my opinion) to be at least a little critical of what you make. But also you shouldn’t have to file down your expression. But alsO-

Like there are so many factors to well. Factor in when it comes to fiction! And i try so hard to develop my media literacy (even with my underdeveloped baby frontal lobe) every day but even so these topics can be hard to navigate

Anyway yeah no conclusion paragraph because as you can probably tell from my writing. I have no idea what im saying i just feel the need to say something

Idk i just feel like a neurotic prey animal right now like im like.

Ok ok time to get personal guys

I have like MAJOR irrational fears that i am a horrible person like. Almost constantly and pro vs anti discourse makes that shit go fucking WILD. anyway. Yeah i have like this almost fanatic paranoid fear that no matter how hard i try i am a Bad Person and that im like. Metaphorically rotting from the inside and eventually i will expose it to everyone that i am Bad and Awful and Nasty and that even then when everything goes bad ill be completely unaware of my own inherent corruptness and that i will eventually hurt people or whoever i have the capacity to hurt and that things are doomed to fail for me because im such an abhorrent person

Anyway yeah those thoughts are obviously NONSENSICAL because… what??? The fuck????

But then my brain is like ooh yeah lets introduce some fucked up thoughts in here. Intrusive thoughts, if you will. Which all span many nasty awful things that are usually highly morally corrupt and wow I wonder if that ties into all that i said before? Yep it probably does!

Which makes me anxious as hell because then im also convincing myself that those thoughts are real and are my own thoughts and wants. Which FUCKS ME UPPP

So anyway that’s why I don’t label myself as pro or anti because proship makes me feel like im a horrible person who will hurt people and is disgusting and awful (also the intrusive thoughts) and the anti label goes against my very strong beliefs of freedom of creation and expression etc.

Yay rant vent brain barf over!!!!

[storm-driver]

ep 19 : million dollar ghost feels like it's supposed to be the season finale, what with vlad being the main villain and him going after the key for pariah's keep. but the production order says this one goes first, so i guess that's what we're rolling with!

the fucking alarm going off in the school to announce there's a ghost on campus and jazz shouting "DANNY HIDE" only for danny to go ?????whY?? had me REELING. like he doesn't even care and jazz is hyperventilating on HIS behalf.

the main plot of the episode is always fun when vlad is involved. pinning a bounty on danny's head to fuck with him and his family is absolutely villainous and cruel. especially cause vlad is just out for blood while danny is only reacting to being hunted down. poor kid knows there's a target on his back, and i feel like if this show was written a few years later, he would've said "dude go to therapy" as a comeback.

there was one scene that seriously caught my eye. vlad essentially electrocutes danny to a point of almost losing consciousness and turning back to being human. but either danny, barely hanging on to being awake, stopped the transformation part way and kept himself as phantom. or vlad SOMEHOW STOPPED IT??? i'm going with the latter bc im p sure danny had no conscious control over that. especially because he's so drained afterwards that he can't even fight back when he gets tossed into the pile of ghost hunters. but that just makes me question HOW vlad did that. like that is another person's autonomy!!!! you just STOPPED IT BECAUSE YOU CAN???? HOW

jack fenton continues to be such a fantastic character. he's so bull-headed about being an expert on ghosts, it's leading to him fucking shit up by accident. he means well, but at least he's able to acknowledge when he's screwed up. it makes the scene with danny tryna cheer him up by "surrendering" as the ghost boy hit just a little harder. his son's opinion of him matters so much to him, that even the ghost boy presenting himself as free prey didnt get him out of a bad mood until maddie literally put the prize in his hands. she's by far the better ghost hunter between them, but she cares more about her husband's pride that she literally gives the credit to him for capturing the ghost boy. it's so sweet to watch, even though you have to subconsciously accept that they just put their son in a fucking vacuum and they have no idea he's in that tiny ass box.

also another example of danny's anatomy just being fucked because of ghost powers, bc how the fuck did he fit in that box otherwise.

anyway, danny convincing jack to let him out of the vacuum thing because he throws himself under the bus and essentially bashes his human self for constantly forgetting to do chores, including replacing the ectro-filtrator on the ghost portal, was fucking funny. david kaufman seriously needs more props for the absolute blunt line deliveries he does, because i am WHEEZING.

the episode has fun antics, but despite the bounty on danny's head, it doesn't actually put much on the serialization? yeah, they've established that danny is elusive and a ghost that a LOT of people have eyes on. he even calls himself public ghost enemy number one. but not much sticks. especially bc jack sorta just forgets about this temporary alliance he has with phantom in future episodes and goes back to shooting on sight. besides getting definitive proof that phantom is well-meaning and doesn't wanna cause havoc. still, fun episode, danny getting compressed into a box is hilarious.

yknow what I'm cataloging my feelings as i rewatch every danny phantom episode, here we go

[midoriyas-wifey]

ALPHA!WOLF HYBRID! BAKUGOU X OMEGA!BUNNY! READER SFW AND NSFW HEADCANONS

Okay, so this might’ve ended up more as a short story with some nasty thots ™ , but c’est la vie 😌

* Ok my size kink is about to jump out but I imagine the size difference between him and his lil bunny is that they only come up to his elbow. When I say lil bunny I mean LIL bunny 😈

* Also Y/N is a lop earred bunny bc I said so.

* Bakugou ADORES his bunny’s size; couldn’t be more happy (and smug 🙄) about it.

* Despite his typically rough and dominating nature, he will admit to being SLIGHTLY softer with his omega (don’t be fooled he follows them like a lost puppy, simping all the way)

* If someone even LOOKS at his bunny funny, he’s on them like white on rice. Ground shaking growls and snarls fills the air, ruff bristling with the intent to throw hands. And bite. Tbh he probably carries rabies.

* Only Y/N can truly calm him. His friends take full advantage, both metaphorically and literally tugging on the beast’s tail. Sometimes Y/N doesn’t soothe him just for laughs. His friends don’t find that funny thank you very much.

* With Deku it’s on sight. This wolf has less chill than canon Bakugou.

* It was almost cliche, how they met. Y/N was going on a jog in their local park, enjoying the short but lovely Sakura blossoming season.

* It just so happened that Bakugou was taking a MUCH needed lunch break, his tail wagging at the mere thought of digging into his ungodly spicy curry.

* He decided to enjoy the serenity of the park, plopping himself heavily on the bench that groaned under his massive form. However, it was no match for the deep growling groan bubbling deep in his chest.

* That’s when his (future) omega came around the bend, paying him no mind as they passed.

* He was struck, a primal urge within him roaring to life. His mind narrowed down to that of a predator.

* Chase

* CHASE

* His body sprung into action, intent on hunting his prey- his mate his mate hismate hismate HISMATE-

* Before either one of them knew what was going on, Y/N was scooped into his arms, tiny frame near squished from the possessive hold of the huge alpha.

* He stopped, taking a moment to bend down to sniff and whuff all over his bunny’s hair, burying his sensitive nose as deep as possible.

* Suddenly, as if snapped from a trance, Bakugou reared his head back in confusion at his own actions, before looking down with clear eyes at the little bunny cradled against him.

* Y/N’s nose was twitching a mile a minute in confusion and surprise, frozen in his hold.

* Y/N oddly didn’t feel much fear, instead mostly an apprehensive curiosity; waiting to see what this wolf would do.

* He couldn’t deny that the Omega’s twitching nose and heated face were more than adorable. He took another inhale and grinned, baring his large, sharp fangs in excitement.

* Ok now Y/N was a little spooked they can’t lie.

* He decided in that moment that this cute little bunny would be his, come hell or high water.

NSFW AHEAD CHOO CHOO 🚂

* So,, size difference.

* He lives and DIES for belly bulges and cumflation. It also goes without saying that he has a breeding and impregnation kink I mean cmon he’s a wolf hybrid alpha hellooooo

* Ass man til he dies. He’s fiending for those cakes, he wanna see them wobble and jiggle on his dick. And also loves to watch that cute tail bob and wiggle along with it.

* He dreams of nothing more than clappin and slappin cheeks. If he wasn’t a pro hero then he’d be a pro spanker and groper every time he can get away with it.

* Likes when you squeak out in surprise when he takes a swat at your ass

* I hc his dick to be about 4 inches flacid and grows to about 9 inches including his knot. He’s a grower not a shower for sure, but he’s smug about it all the same.

* It’s obviously a wolf shaped dick bc I don’t hold back. And neither does his hunny bunny 😏

* Speaking of, the first time they fucked he insisted on treating them like a porcelain doll, barely touching where they needed him. Finally they rolled over into doggy position, head resting on the pillow before wiggling their ass in a blatant invitation.

* He took hold of their velvety ears and tilted their head back in a show of total dominance, a fierce growl demanding their submission.

* He bred them until they passed out, drool, cum, and slick soaking the sheets. No matter how much he tried, no matter how big his knot inflated in his omega, there was just too much of his virile cum stuffing Y/N for it all to stay in.

* He could feast on their sex for hours, lapping it up like ambrosia, leaving his omega a shaking and crying mess

* Makes them ride his face he don’t care what size they are. If they’re bigger he lives for almost being smothered to death by their thick thighs. His tongue will fuck Y/N to infinity and beyond, greedy the whole way through.

* He just can’t get enough of his sweet lil bunny, and Y/N’ll take all the affection and pleasure he gives them. They have no choice in the matter. He’s the alpha and what he says goes, and if his omega forgets that? He’s more than happy to remind them.

[smidgen-of-hotboy]

The Kanagawas=Hydra Heads was just a visual I had, by no means a suggestion. I love the idea that they're all the same person just split over and over. Imagine how infuriating it is to be expected as one thing, one way, and reaffirm over and over again who you really are. (And Cecil- oh Cecil. You fucked up little man you-)(And Cass! Oh Cass. She's trying so hard to make something of herself, to escape the doom of a Kanagawa but alas. Can't outrun a legacy)

My "Hyperion City loves Juno Steel bc that's her blorbo" equal to "Hyperion City/universe loves Mick Mercury bc that's their special little guy" ckskdkkjddjdj I love the idea/concept of a place loving someone so so much (see: Hyperion City Talks Back, my fic for WWDITS, my love for @.eatingjupiter's story THE CHANGING HOUSE) Mick with nine lives and counting mwah mwah-

Oh Sarah. Sarah Steel... to see the ugly parts of yourself reflected back at you through a mirror, a mirror you never asked for. A reflection you can't bare. A reminder that no matter what, you can't change or make a difference. Her wanting to get away from her own shadow makes a lot of sense. Killing Ben was killing the thing that haunts her, and killing herself could've been guilt, could've shame, cowardice, etc. Sarah’s murder-suicide was started but never complete because Juno's still around. Still alive. Alive and forced to carry all of her baggage. Of course though no one will ever know what really went through Sarah's head when she shot Benzaiten. She's dead.

MONSTERFUCKER JUNO STEEL RIGHTS. That is all.

M'tendere has my heart. I don't care what they've done I will turn a blind eye lol. Being able to breathe life into inanimate objects, smth smth- canon m'tendere being an inventor, their voice actor Anjimile and boy king's song "Maker" (I'm not just a man I'm I'm god/ I'm not just a God I'm a maker/ mind your maker) IDK IDK I just love it all. It speaks to me. M'tendere is not a God but is blessed and has powers they shouldn't be capable of (smth smth living is agony, it's hard out here in the big mean world to do it alone, breathing life into an inanimate thing... smth smth my brain worms for this are now crossing over into my brain worms for my canon hc "Juno breathed life back into a dead name, Peter Nureyev, and gave the thief without a name, a home").

Juno being a hunter and stalking birds and mice to curb his craving for raw meat. And then spotting movement and curiously pursuing it. Smth or other about being a feral cat...

Peter's fifth sense kicking in so ofc he whips around looking for what's tracking him. Telling himself "you're just paranoid" and carrying on (and then when he is shot and hogtied going Damn Mag was right you're rusty lmaoooo)

Juno seeing double because of his mismatched eyes is sooo fascinating. Thinking on how fucked his depth perception is and he still carrys a shotgun.

AND OOOOOOO PETERS MULTIPLE EYES STOP!! I am. An absolute [redacted] for multiple eyes. He just gets prettier and prettier by the second *bats my eyes*

And yes yes yes yes- prey is predator becomes prey! Hiding behind masks and glamours and magic to survive out there in that big, mean, cold world.

Rita being Rita as always. She's so cute. I would love little trinkets like what she provides Juno. Her gift giving is her love language or smth.

Other questions: Did M'tendere breathe life into what became the Ruby7? What's up with Peter in the woods alone? Is he actually injured or smth? You've mentioned it a few times with Mick, the Kanagawas, and M'Tendere- what does it mean to be "blessed"? Is it like a religious thing? Are there gods in this universe (dead or alive)? Is it just a magical thing? And saying Lady Luck, is it a metaphorical or literal existence? What's up with the sludge Peter's weeping in his second set of eyes, the black and red stuff? And what about the tattoos!! Tell me about them! (And the piercings pretty please)

Hey! So, uh, I have some more stuff for the fae-hunter jupeter au, if you'd like to hear it? Regarding some more about the background and things and the other characters and also some intrusive thoughts Juno has regarding the cannibalism?

Oh fuck yeah babey lay it on me. This is the best Steel Twin Birthday Present and no other holiday or event going on irl I could've woken up to ever! And also does it mean anything if I say I have more thoughts on my monster hunter au bc I have a lot of new thoughts about it

[ejcaswelll]

Spare a few of ur favorite Caswen hcs for a friend?

how did u know i was literally thinking about caswen all day…………

i think ej becomes incredibly invested in getting ricky above a C average. like this kid is smart he’s just not trying and it pisses ej off that ricky could actually get into a decent college if he’d just sit down and skim his textbooks every once in a while. cue ej tricking ricky into study dates that are definitely more study than date. ricky whines about it but he still shows up every time bc it’s kind of. overwhelmingly nice to have someone other than nini believe he’s capable of more than what he’s currently putting out. also sometimes ej wears reading glasses and it really does something for ricky in a way he doesn’t like to look at too deeply.

i don’t wanna say that ej likes ricky more than ricky likes ej but like. there is a point in their relationship where that is very much the vibe if only because ej’s never in his life dated someone who’s not only seen him at his worst but also seen right through the image he’s projected his entire life. even with nini ej felt like he was pretending to be a version of himself he wanted to be. with ricky, he doesn’t have to pretend to be anyone else at all. ej can be his snappy, most miserable self and ricky doesn’t bat an eye. ricky even kind of likes sarcastic, biting ej. he’s so fun! so ej has no idea how to wrap his head around this and therefore kind of puts ricky on a pedestal for a while until things even out later down the line.

when ricky realizes he like likes ej he’s absolutely furious about it because he feels like he’s just fallen prey to the basic everyday caswell charm ej uses on everyone and ricky thought he was smarter than falling for shit like that but then one day ej met his eyes across the rehearsal room and smiled at him and ricky had thought ‘oh no oh no oh nooooo’. it doesn’t even matter that ej’s made it abundantly clear he likes him back. they’ll be kissing and ricky will be like ‘i can’t believe this. i can’t fucking believe i’m doing this. i cannot believe ej’s somehow tricked me into making out with him in the backseat of his stupid fucking car.’ ricky finds himself making self deprecating comments about being a caswell conquest and refuses to let ej hold his hand in the hallways. this lasts several weeks into them dating until nini’s like ‘you should probably like, sort out those weird fucking insecurities about ej dumping you, ricky’ and he’s like. oh.

ej gets a surge in followers when he starts uploading artsy, out of focus shots of ricky on his instagram in between his usual influencer fare. like we’re talking a photo of ricky’s vans tossed haphazardly in the corner of ej’s room, a photo of ricky from behind, hood up, as he skates down ej’s street at twilight, a photo of ricky’s curls over ej’s pillow. they all have cryptic captions and ej never tags him. ej goes viral through the entire salt lake student body for having just the weirdest fucking feed of both shitty, douchebag jock posts and these beautiful artistic shots of an entirely different life. ricky tells ej that the artsy shots are even more pretentious than ej’s regular feed and ej laughs. (ricky secretly saves them all to his phone.)

ej always walks ricky to his door like it’s a fucking movie and ricky relentlessly mocks it. one time ej deliberately stayed sat in the drivers seat and ricky had turned halfway to his door and looked at him with such a confused, doe eyed little look that ej had rolled his eyes and got out the car and led ricky the rest of the way up to his door. “i still think this is stupid,” ricky had said, desperately, as ej had gently pushed him against the door to kiss him. “uh huh,” ej had hummed just before leaning in. ricky only mocked it like, 30% of the time after that.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Experience: knowledge or mastery of an event or subject gained through involvement in or exposure to it

a stack of america’s most wanted cases, scribbled over with a bright purple pen and various shades of highlighters and sticky notes, but the final product is a meticulously written case file, organized and detailed with standards higher than the government’s, completed because dick was bored one afternoon. a way of thinking to the left and upside down of batman’s, different enough to look at the mystery from another angle but similar enough to crack it in record time. hearing a low rumble in his ear, telling him to calm down and not lose himself to emotion, to look at a case with an eagle eye in order to solve it; dick listens to the voice no matter how far from gotham he is, because he learned from the best. “i’m asking for your help, son,” gordon says, “you’re one of the best we got.”

each deadly movement flowing into the next like water, fluid and fresh and fascinating, as dick takes down enemy after enemy, breathing hard at the end yet easily triumphant. one small noise and a weapon’s flipped into dick’s palm faster than the eye can blink, electricity crackling the end of an escrima stick less of a warning, more of a promise. kick, double flip, hang back, watch for their projected strike, catch and twist, throw. “he,,,,,moves different. difficult for me to read,” cass says, “dick is fun to fight.”

vaseline on his teeth to keep his performer’s smile on, bony little fingers pinching his cheeks, bubbly champagne popping with secrets and lies, but at the end of the night, dick had put everyone at ease enough for bruce to swipe a usb. his silver tongue flicking against his lips as he talks himself out of another villain encounter, or as he talks his opponent into a rage that dick can take advantage of. cocking his hip here and raising his eyebrow there and soon enough, the target was completely under his thrall, falling prey to the formula dick had perfected for years. “trust me,” steph says, “dick’s our go-to guy for honeypot missions. he’s great at it.”

leading a stretching routine in the morning while simply basking in the titans’ company, each one of his teammates following along with varying degrees of capability as dick takes stock of which legs they’re favoring, which stretches cause them the most pain. laying out a battle plan as easily as a dinner set, directing each hero with long-practiced ease, trusting that they’ll make it back alive. affirming words and gentle touches and tight hugs and easy laughs and every other little thing that makes his team look at him with faith-respect-friendship. “dick? he’s the best leader we’ve ever had,” gar says. “never met a guy that cares for his team as much as he does.”

a bedtime story told to him by his parents, flowing out of his memory and past his lips like an oil spill, tucking damian into bed. sitting cross legged on a kitchen counter as tim rambles about something or the other, the younger boy’s eyes bright for the first time in weeks as dick hugs his little brother in his enthusiasm. chili dogs with jason and ballet recitals with cass and walks in the garden with alfred. “his love is what keeps us together,” bruce says, “i’m not sure where we’d be without it.”

Dick Grayson Anniversary Week ‘21, Day 1: A Celebration Of 81 Years

god am i excited for this event. won’t be doing anything big, but i plan on writing at least a little hc/ficlet/meta each day.

anyway. about today’s prompt. you ever think about how dick grayson is,,,literally one of the world’s most experienced superheroes? in everything? the kiddo solved 4 of america’s most wanted cases in one morning bc he was bored, he’s led multiple teams, he’s one of the most skilled and accomplished fighters in the world. 81 years of practice and talent and skill coming together to create a fucking incredible human being and i am here. for. it.

tag list: @woahjaybird @birdy-bat-writes @anothertimdrakestan @catxsnow @pricetagofficial @subtleappreciation @screennamealreadyused @bikoncon @bonkybearjpeg @maplumebleue-blog-blog @sundownridge @thatsthewhump @dickgraysonweek

[arodabi]

You’re 21 and you live in an internet bubble. ~*No pronouns~*~ and ~*~don’t ship aro folks~*~

Please grow up. The world does not give a single shit. Find something useful to be militant in 2000 words about. Jesus.

Are you really aro/ace or do you just have social anxiety and body issues?

wow the cis are big mad i don't use pronouns, why does that even affect you?

also buddy, this is my Aro Blog, why do you think my whole personality and life is encapsulated in this blog? if someone runs an aesthetic blog do u send them shit like “uhgjngkidghj how DARE u care more about PRETTY PICTURES than the real life HORRORS OF THE WORLD!!!!!!” i mean I could talk about my hatred of the surveillance state we live in and how its sold to us as protection and ways to make our lives better but it actually just gives big companies a way to spy on us and squeeze as much data and money out of every single person as possible. I can talk about how much I hate pyramid schemes and how they prey on people in the middle of horrible life events in order to feed the downline. i could talk about how much I hate when people undervalue my skills because I work in digital mediums and therefore they think I don't have any skills and the computer does all the work. i could talk about so many more things I'm angry and passionate about, but uhhhhhhh i don't talk about that stuff here because this is my ARO BLOG

also uhhh idek what the FUCK you mean by me being “really aro/ace” what do u wanna hear, that I'm the one who orders for all my friends because they're nervous to do so themselves? that people find me annoying because i wont stop talking to random strangers? that i literally don't even care what my body looks like bc its my body and its doing what i need it to? i don't feel attraction towards anyone, that makes me really aro ace

maybe get your head out of your ass for once and lean that people are tree dimensional beings and that no matter what my life experiences are, if i say my identity, that is what i fucking am

[dwter]

ok bro but like,,, freshman-senior ain't 14-18. It's 14-17 at worst because freshmen start year 10 at 14 and end at 15, and seniors start 17 and end 18. it's still weird, but the age difference could be as little as 2 years depending on the people themselves and idk,, it's just not that weird?? I'm 18 and a lesbian, and i wouldn't date a 15 or 16 year old, but i don't know that many anyway lmao. But I still don't think it's THAT strange.

still doesn’t change the fact that the range in maturity from freshman year-senior year is huge. getting caught up on the math is so stupid bc the age difference in it of itself is not the issue, it’s when the age is that the problem lies. like if a 28 year old is dating a 32 year old would anyone care? no. that’s bc in terms of emotional and mental maturity, they’re pretty equal at that point, or at least you know the 28 year old is obviously old enough to handle themselves and aren’t anymore likely bc of their age to be taken advantage of (NOT saying that 28 year olds or older adults cannot be taken a stage of, i’m saying that teenagers are targets of exploitation BECAUSE of their age, which is not the case in this scenario). just the concept of a person literally just out of middle school dating someone about to go to college is so weird, bc again, what the hell does a senior want from a freshman? what is making them date people so clearly not as developed and mature as they are, mentally and physically? the stereotype exists for a reason, a lot of senior boys prey on freshman girls bc it’s easy sex and theyre easy to manipulate. the math does not matter. the dynamic is so off and wrong, in almost every scenario seniors are just so much more grown up than freshman (also freshman are being put in a new environment where they are vulnerable and are still learning) and there is proof that a lot of the reason they do date them is to just use and manipulate them. all in all, seniors have no business trying to date fucking freshman.

[astudyinfreewill]

look what you made me do || 1/?

aka: me making taylor swift songs about dean winchester and/or deancas bc it’s what dean himself would want

(i will be keeping track of these with a masterpost, just in case i need to find them again or someone enjoys seeing me go hogwild on lyric analysis, lol. also, there’s a wee treat at the end of the post!)

and without further ado, our first tswift x dean song is...

the archer

combat, i'm ready for combat i say i don't want that, but what if i do?

we start off with an extremely obvious line: dean winchester is always ready for combat - he’s been trained all his life to essentially be a soldier/vigilante figure, an ultimate warrior of sorts. the thing is... he doesn’t want to. when dean is left to his own devices, without his father to order him around or a Big Bad to spur him on, what he chooses to do is is cook for his loved ones, have movie nights with them, play music, tinker with parts to build something new. at his core dean is kind, and full of care for others, and his deepest fear is that he truly IS nothing more than just a killer or a weapon - hence the ‘but what if i do’.

'cause cruelty wins in the movies  i've got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you 

‘the movies’ here is just shorthand for everything he’s witnessed happening around him in real life. as far as dean’s experience goes, cruelty does win. why believe in softness and kindness when your father has taught you that either of those things is a weakness, and the world simply doesn’t care? 

as for the second line, well. you can guess what THAT’s about. dean feels so deeply, but really struggles to verbalise his feelings, often brushing them off until he explodes. we usually see him at his most vulnerable while praying to cas, but even then, you get the sense that he’s holding back on so much. (“cas, i need to say something--” “you don’t need to say it, dean.” so it goes, so it goes.)

easy they come, easy they go i jump from the train, i ride off alone  i never grew up, it's getting so old help me hold onto you 

a few points here: “i jump from the train” could easily be a callback to dean’s impulsive self-sacrificing ways, and “i never grew up” underlines how he never got the chance to evolve and grow into himself because he got essentially stuck in the “child parenting another child” role. sure, he had to be a mother and a father to sam, so in some ways he grew up really fast; in others, he was stuck as an insecure teenager, because he never got the opportunity for healthy emotional growth himself. 

and of course, “easy they come, easy they go” is a tragically accurate representation of dean’s most devastating insecurity: that everyone he loves eventually leaves him. mary died, john was constantly absent, cassie broke up with him when he tried to tell her the truth, sam left him behind for college, and then, of course, there’s cas... who just. keeps. leaving, one way or another, and dean just desperately wants him to stay - which also ties into “help me hold on to you”. the irony of it all, of course, is that dean wants castiel to choose not to leave, whereas castiel desperately wants to be asked to stay; and ain’t that just a fucking tragedy.

i've been the archer, i've been the prey who could ever leave me, darling? (but who could stay?) 

the first line is pretty self-explanatory: dean has been both aggressor and victim, both literally and emotionally. he’s a fearsome hunter who gets hunted down by monsters in turn; and he’s lashed out and pushed people away, while getting his heart broken in return too. 

but it’s the second part that really strikes me as a dean line, because the first half - “who could ever leave me, darling?” - is the bravado that dean wears like a mask. charming smile, a flirty wink, swagger in like you own the place, “i think i’m adorable”, “i’m a joy to be around”, etc. but the second part... that’s the whisper of truth behind it. for all that dean can turn the charm on and put on a brave face, he’s thoroughly convinced that he’s not worth sticking around for.

dark side, i search for your dark side but what if I'm alright, right, right, right here? 

so, can you say trust issues? remember how long it took for dean to believe an angel could be on his side, and then how deeply he came to trust cas? and remember how heartbroken he was when castiel betrayed them in s6, and how that heartbreak was covered up with anger when cas came back? yet, no matter how many twists and turns they go through, inevitably, dean ends up trusting cas with his life - he’s not only the definition of a ride-or-die, but he also trusts him in smaller, more intimate ways, such as letting down his guard and allowing himself to be vulnerable only around him, or praying to him for comfort as much as guidance.

and i cut off my nose just to spite my face  then hate my reflection for years and years 

...but because of those trust issues, and because of dean’s deeply entrenched abandonment issues as mentioned above, often dean ends up reacting to things more harshly than is needed, by lashing out in anger and pushing people away (or, in more than one occasion, through the infamous silent treatment). but we also know he immediately regrets it, because it ends up hurting him just as much, if not more. basically this correlates to his speech from 15x09 about his anger issues.

i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost the room is on fire, invisible smoke and all of my heroes died all alone help me hold onto you

there’s also the fact that having attachments as a hunter isn’t exactly safe, and comes with a shitton of fear of losing people - or remorse and regret when you do lose them. “the room is on fire, invisible smoke” - i can only imagine dean would still have nightmares of that fateful night when he was 4 years old and his mother burned alive on a ceiling (and so: “i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost). as for his heroes dying alone... mary. john. ellen. jo. ash. kevin. charlie. the list stretches way too long. it’s only natural he’d be afraid of losing cas too... especially since he’s already died multiple times, and dean has mourned him more and more devastatingly each time.

i've been the archer, i've been the prey screaming “who could ever leave me, darling”-- but who could stay? 

the same concept as the previous chorus, except that here the façade of confidence and swagger comes off almost as desperate (screaming “who could ever leave me”). but then we know overcompensating is kinda dean’s thing.

'cause they see right through me, they see right through me they see right through me -- can you see right through me? they see right through me, they see right through me  i see right through me, i see right through me 

and we circle back to dean’s constant fear of being found worthless, damaged, and unlovable. no matter how much bravado he puts on, his actual self-worth is close to non-existent, so of course he’d feel like a fraud, and it makes sense he’d fear other people seeing through his act, or wonder if they do - can cas see right through him? because dean himself certainly isn’t buying his own lies.

all the king's horses, all the king's men couldn't put me together again 'cause all of my enemies started out friends help me hold onto you 

the first line just... hurts me a lot. i guess it’s the nursery rhyme sound of it, almost trying to take the bite of a statement which is, essentially: i’m broken beyond repair. as i said above, dean’s not buying his own lies, he knows exactly how much baggage and trauma he carries. and not to go back to the trust issues again, but it is hard to believe someone could see past that when there’s so much betrayal in your history (which, yes, has included cas at one point too, as well as sam, or, say, fucking chuck).

i've been the archer, i've been the prey who could ever leave me, darling? (but who could stay?) who could stay? who could stay? you could stay, you could stay... 

and then... we have the third repeat of the chorus, which echoes the first, softer version of it, but with a fundamental difference. this time, the rhetorical question “who could stay?” finds a pointed answer in “you could stay”. because yes, maybe cas leaves a lot, but he always, always comes back. so i’d imagine dean harbours hope that one day, maybe, cas will want to actually... stay for good.

combat, i'm ready for combat

and that hope kinda gives this final line a whole new lovely layer of meaning: dean’s no longer ready for combat just because he’s been trained for combat all his life; rather, he’s ready for combat because for once in his life, he has something to look forward to; something to fight for: the happy ending he deserves, where someone - perhaps someone in a dirty trenchcoat and tired blue eyes - will finally stay.

---

BONUS: literally the day after i started obsessing over this song as a dean song, i found a fanvid of it! if that’s not serendipitous, i don’t know what is <3

[lassieposting]

4 Times Lucifer Showed He Cared The Demon Way (And Thought Chloe Reciprocated) +1 Time He Tried Showing It The Human Way

AIT BUCKLE UP YALL BC IMMA GET ON SOME BULLSHIT 

prepare for a mess of a headcanon post in which i extrapolate wildly from single lines in the show, read way too much into interactions, and get very emotional

actual post under the cut because this is long as fuck, yo

1. Sharing Territory

Trust is the rarest commodity in Hell. Demons are aggressive, suspicious and territorial by nature, and taught from birth that you’re just as likely to be killed in a fight with someone from your own clan as you are to be cut down in a war with someone else’s. Maze recalls her siblings torturing one another, possibly for fun, and even among family there seems to be a certain level of wariness. Finding someone you can trust to share your space, someone who will keep watch while you rest, someone you don’t have to be so guarded around, is rare and precious and a big expression of real affection.  

In 1x02 Lucifer lets himself into Chloe’s home while she’s in the shower, makes himself at home, and starts making her breakfast. 

Now, Lucifer knows how door etiquette works. We’ve seen him learn about this, more than once. 

In 1x03, he barges into Linda’s office, interrupting another patient’s session, but in 1x08 he knocks on her door and waits for her to call him in. 

In 1x07 we see him ring Carmen’s doorbell and wait for him to answer, despite having a far better reason to barge in and wreak havoc (reclaiming his stolen wings).  

In 2x01, again, he knocks on the killer’s door and waits for her to answer it. 

So, this isn’t a case of “he’s not human, he doesn’t understand”. He only does this with Chloe. And it’s something he does repeatedly, even after he’s learned his lesson about knocking with everyone else - coming into her territory and leaving her, her family and all her things unharmed, showing her that he’s relaxed and comfortable in her space. And he gets the reaction he wants! She’s alarmed the first time she finds him in her kitchen, but as time goes by she gets used to it, accepts it as just one of his weird quirks, and no longer really bats an eyelid. By 3x05 she’s not even surprised to see him; she still ticks him off - “I said to meet me here, not barge in like you own the place.” - but it’s almost like she’s just saying it out of habit at this point. She’s not threatened by him at all. 

                                                               ~

We don’t know when Lucifer invites her to treat his penthouse the same way, but by the time she shows up drunk and trying to sleep with him in 1x10, he’s told her that “[his] door is always open”, an invitation to do the same. And she does (and has been doing already). Chloe is spectacularly comfortable appropriating Lucifer’s things. 

In 1x09 when they’re dueting Heart & Soul she lets herself in unexpectedly and takes a drink from his glass while they’re playing (and here you can see him raise his eyebrows and smile at her, but he doesn’t comment). 

In 1x10, she’s clearly intending to stay in his penthouse even after he tells her he was planning on going out, and she helps herself to his alcohol.

In 3x06 she’s comfortable enough with him to raid his closet, take over his home without his knowledge, try to break into his safe and sleep in his bed. 

2. Hunting For Your Partner

Humans don't regularly hunt for their own food, but demons do - Maze asks Trixie in S4 at what age human parents teach their children to hunt, presumably because it’s a responsibility she intends to take on for baby Charlie. Now, to survive in a place like Hell, prey animals would need to be in possession of some hardcore natural defences; demons most likely can and do die in hunts. So providing someone with food would be a big deal; it shows how highly you prize that person’s wellbeing, that you’re willing to put yourself at risk and expend valuable effort and energy to keep them fed. 

Lucifer tries to make Chloe breakfast in 1x04. This is the first time we really see him do anything domestic, and it’s implied he’s actually pretty handy in the kitchen - possibly because he just likes human food, but also the time and effort he’ll spend making her a proper home-cooked meal is the closest he’s going to get to hunting something the size of a small airplane for her in Hell. 

                                                                  ~

Later, in 2x07, Chloe makes Lucifer and Trixie sandwiches. She goes to give Trixie the first one, because for humans it’s normal to feed your kid first, but Lucifer swipes it off the plate before Trixie can, claiming he’s “far larger and hungrier”, because in Hell the strongest and most vicious eat first (as with many pack predators). 

Lucifer later asks Linda what deep meaning the sandwich had - whether it symbolised Chloe’s trust - and seems bewildered that for humans, a sandwich can just be a sandwich. He also brings her homecooked food as an apology after standing her up, all of which seems to imply that Lucifer grew up in a culture where food is valuable and meaningful and an expression of deeper feeling. (This could also be seen to a lesser extent in Maze wanting Lucifer to make her a drink in 2x04, when she’s trying to redefine their relationship as equals rather than lord and vassal.)

3. Fighting Together

Demons do have a concept of loyalty. Maze says “You don’t let your girl go into enemy territory alone”, and it seems to be a principle that’s important enough to her that she’s including it in Trixie’s training - when Maze is going to Canada, Trixie tries to hide in her bag because Maze needs someone to watch her back. Maze and Lucifer are also incredibly loyal to one another in the grand scheme of things - regardless of their issues with one another, they are a united front against outside threats, at least before they both start developing human relationships. 

Lucifer is startlingly loyal to Chloe from the get-go, for someone who’s spent billions of years not being able to trust or lean on anyone except Maze. 

In 1x02, he stops chasing after Josh as soon as he realises Chloe has been mobbed by paparazzi, choosing instead to go back and defend her - even though this lets Josh, who needs punishing, get away. 

Now, in 4x01 Maze says that she (and probably demons in general) fight when they’re “Happy...or horny”, implying that fighting may be as much a bonding activity as a necessity. 

With the paparazzi mob, Lucifer goes in all guns blazing, making it personal - “Back off, you mouth-breathing scum!” - because he’s protecting her, trying to deflect their attention from her. But as soon as he notices she’s holding her own, with her fist raised to hit the guy, he gets all excited and encourages her to go ahead: “Let’s punch them all!”

He now sees this as an opportunity to bond with her, show her she can trust him to watch her back, and when she declines to start a fight he’s visibly disappointed.  

                                                                 ~

Chloe then joins the illegal Lux party in 2x09. 

Now, she’s spent most of the episode being sensible and rational about the fact that really there’s not a lot she can do, which was understandably upsetting to Lucifer - it’s the first time he’s really seen his detective not be able to fix a situation. He goes to her repeatedly for help throughout the episode - he either hasn’t realised or doesn’t want to accept that the law has her powerless here - and sees it more as “her not being on his side” than “her not actually having any power over this situation”. 

Her joining his sit-in reaffirms to him that he matters to her; that she has his back even though she has no personal stake in keeping Lux’s building from being demolished. This is all the more poignant for him because he’s very vulnerable at this point; he’s not just on the verge of losing his home, he’s also dealing with his mom’s manipulation and abuse, his own emerging human emotions, the new distance in his relationship with Maze. He believed he was completely alone in this. Chloe’s public show of support means a lot to him, and he even talks to Linda about how insanely grand a gesture Chloe’s saving Lux is to him - he’s never been given something without strings attached, without having to give something in return. 

4. Your Enemies Are My Enemies

Making enemies in Hell can be lethal. Retaliation for a small slight can turn vicious in an eyeblink and generally it's not a good idea to get involved in someone else's grudges if you want to avoid a knife in your back. Adopting someone’s enemies as your own enemies, defending them against said enemies, inserting yourself into their preexisting quarrels as backup, is a big show of loyalty. 

Lucifer is always getting in on Chloe’s arguments. Constantly. 

From what we’ve seen and heard, Lucifer’s family isn’t big on backup. We’ve only got Lucifer’s word, and he’s very biased, so he’s not the most reliable narrator, but we can see it in the way Mum and Amenadiel behave. 

When Lucifer is rowing with his mom in 2x08, Amenadiel doesn’t intervene at all. He’s already said that he’s on his mom’s side at this point, but he doesn’t defend her, either; he avoids the confrontation altogether. 

Lucifer says that none of his family defended him when he was thrown out of Heaven, repeatedly, and with increasing bitterness the more he realises that the way his family treated him is a) abnormal and b) abusive. 

Early Lucifer seems to have picked up this trait. He doesn’t involve himself in arguments unless he’s getting something out of it; when Maze and Amenadiel are about to throw down in 3x11, he literally sits back to watch with popcorn, despite knowing that this fight could go very badly for Maze. 

With Chloe though, he starts jumping in from Actual Day One. 

When Dan is gaslighting Chloe in 1x01, he stands up for her immediately: “She is smart. You’re the dimwit.”

Then he punches out Paolucci for calling Chloe a bitch in 1x05. Chloe tells him not to, that she can handle her own problems, and Lucifer not only tells her that she absolutely can but also clarifies to Paolucci before punching him that he’s not sticking up for Chloe. But the message is pretty obvious all the same: if you have a problem with her, I have a problem with you. 

                                                              ~

Chloe then refuses to call him a liar at Perry Smith’s trial in 2x10.

There is no one - not one single person - in Lucifer’s life who hasn’t betrayed him when it mattered. Even Maze, his oldest friend and closest confidante, goes behind his back in S1 to get them both sent back to Hell against Lucifer’s wishes. 

Calling him a liar would benefit Chloe. She has a vested interest in getting her father’s killer convicted. She’s been offered the guy’s own lawyer’s help in getting a guilty verdict, if she humiliates Lucifer. 

Anyone else in his life would absolutely take those terms. 

But she not only refuses to turn on him, she tells an entire room full of people that he never lies, that he’s the best partner she has ever had, and that a) she knows she can rely on him and b) she wants him to know he can rely on her. 

There’s an added layer of meaning in that the person she’s taking on is Charlotte. Chloe doesn’t know that she’s Lucifer’s mom, or what she’s really capable of, but Charlotte herself (without Goddess attached) has a reputation for being ruthless, surrounded by shady people, and an absolute shark in the courtroom. Having Charlotte defending him vastly increases Perry’s chances of getting away with murdering Chloe’s dad. It goes against Chloe’s own interests to defend Lucifer. 

But she does anyway.  

+1. Spawn Care

This one is...pretty much pure headcanon, but two things are clear from canon: 

1. If Maze’s family is typical for demons, their family bonds are neither close nor particularly affectionate, but

2. They do/are meant to have some input in raising their children - Maze talks about teaching young to hunt as a parental/family responsibility. 

Lucifer becomes a major adult in Trixie’s life by default thanks to his relationship with Chloe, but despite his intense dislike of children in general, he actually tries really hard to be good at it. 

Lucifer doesn’t have a model of good parental behaviour to draw on. Chloe is the first competent, loving parent he’s spent any large amount of time with. What he has is an eternity’s worth of child abuse, gaslighting, manipulation and scapegoating by his own family. But if you look at how he treats Trixie, he puts a lot of effort into not just tolerating Trixie for Chloe’s sake, but being a good influence - or, what he considers a good influence - and a third parent-type figure for her. 

In 1x01, he intervenes immediately when he notices Trixie’s distressed by Dan and Chloe arguing in front of her. It comes across as a throwaway comment, but it seamlessly breaks up their hostility by redirecting Dan’s attention and deflecting the shot he takes at Lucifer. 

In the same episode, he also takes enough of a liking to Trixie (or Chloe) that he takes it upon himself to scare the bejeezus out of her bully, even though the kid is like 12 and has not done anything as heinous as the shit that normally makes him show suspects his eyes/face. 

In 2x02, he spends a large part of the episode arguing on Trixie’s behalf that Chloe should get her the doll, to the point of telling Chloe she’s being a bad parent. Which would be a really petty and honestly irrelevant hill to die on, except that Lucifer’s own upbringing was horrific and he honestly believes she’s somehow damaging Trixie emotionally here. He doesn’t want her to end up with the kind of issues he has. He’s genuinely trying to advocate for her. And when Chloe doesn’t listen to him, he buys the damn doll himself and tells Chloe she can say it’s from her, because he’s very invested in a) Trixie’s wellbeing and b) Chloe’s being a good mother. 

In the 2x07 sandwich scene, he actually seems disappointed that Trixie doesn’t challenge him over stealing her sandwich - he even asks Chloe is she always like this, like her generosity is a fault. My personal headcanon is that demon spawn would’ve done exactly that - he’s not exactly family, but he’s close enough that he’s a safe bet to practice one’s intimidation skills on, because he’d never really harm Trixie. He’s trying to teach her something, something he knows she won’t learn from her human parents. Maze contributes to raising Trixie by teaching her to fight (and babysitting) and Lucifer is doing the same, trying to pass on what he considers a useful life skill - something that has probably helped keep him alive in Hell for billions of years. When Trixie leaps off her stool and runs at him, his flinch/hands raised/ “GAH!” reaction looks overdramatic even for him; maybe if she hadn’t given him five and raced off, he might have handed over the sandwich and considered it lesson learned.

And in 2x15, he offers her driving lessons in exchange for her playing along with his trip to the school, which says a lot about how much he really likes her: he intends to teach her himself, and in his own car. The Corvette. His baby. Lucifer does all sorts of shady shit through his favours; finding someone to safely teach an eight year old to drive should be easy! 

(Also, honorable mention for him hulking the fuck out when Tiernan’s gunmen threaten Trixie and Eve in his penthouse. Was there any need to shatter his own wall? Probably not. Did he do it anyway? Absolutely. Because children are hideous little creatures but that one is his hideous little creature.)

In conclusion: Lucifer is not remotely subtle about his feelings, Maze feels highkey sick watching them interact Ever, and Chloe’s thing with Pierce throws him so off guard partly because they’ve been in the Hell equivalent of A Relationship for like three years. 

[roominthecastle]

Thank you for taking the time and typing up your reply, @alma37.

Now I get where you were coming from. You are def much more attached to Zoe than I am. You don’t need to produce any other arguments and “I like it better this way” is a perfectly acceptable answer. And while I don’t believe Agatha’s return is completely at Zoe’s expense -- given that she would have died anyway --, I understand the pain of watching a favorite character used as fodder for another one’s story.

You’ve also raised some interesting points and the exact questions I’ve been pondering myself, so I’m gonna take this opportunity to just unload my thoughts here. Please don’t take this as me trying to talk you out of your opinion or preferences bc I don’t wanna do that.

This is mostly just me trying to explain my preferences to myself.

"after Blood Vessel, as much as Dracula liked her, I could not see him and Agatha together”

oh yes, theirs is an infinitely fucked up dynamic, there is no debating that. they are enemies, so murder attempts come w/ the territory, which is not every shipper’s cup of tea and that’s understandable. However, every relationship involving Dracula is fucked up this way by default since he automatically brings his "inclinations” into it. I guess one could write him already “tamed” and w/ less issues but then it wouldn’t really be him. This is a major thing I love about this show, how they are not afraid to portray him as a full-fledged monster who just keeps coming at you w/ a razor smile -- partly bc he literally can’t help himself. He is a predator who -- to once again quote the commentary -- operates w/ a “torturous sense of fairness” that, to me, echoes the amorality you can observe in the animal kingdom: there is no reasoning with a hungry lion once it’s spotted a zebra; it’s in its nature to hunt prey in order to survive. Empathy or morals don’t factor into this basic conduct.

Dracula has this hard-wired primal drive, too. And Agatha points it out early on when she calls him a beast who doesn’t understand the rules governing its behavior but simply follows them. Of course, he has a point, as well, when he claims he’s more than that. He is. Otherwise, he would just be absolved of all the killing he does, which would feel cheap and unjust and would rob his character of all the fun complexities. Underneath the veneer of a sophisticated nobleman there is a beast, and underneath that grotesque (protective) display are human remains and loads of festering mental health issues. But the only person who bothers to look at these layers and how they inform each other is Agatha. Her equally unyielding drive for knowledge & understanding is the power that allows her to counter him, exert control over him, and tap into his deformed human core in a way nobody else has ever been able to. She does this to save others from him but also to satisfy her own dark fascination, and in the process I think she also comes to feel for him. They reach a level of intimacy that makes this outcome inevitable, imo.

This, in my eyes, makes her pretty much the only person who has any chance at having a more meaningful relationship w/ him that lasts longer than his feeding time. This is also what comes across in Dracula’s indirect advice to Zoe: if she hopes to match him, she will need to conjure Agatha from his blood. He essentially gives her the key to his own destruction (which is also his way out), then retreats and waits. This has the same self-regulating vibe as him convincing himself that his immense supernatural power has ordinary loopholes like needing an invitation to enter or the sunlight. Shame is a control tactic and self-shaming is a form of self-control, albeit a very problematic one. He puts in checks and balances which you wouldn’t do unless deep down you knew you needed to be “checked and balanced” by someone who’s willing to take on the thankless task. He cannot do it, he can’t face himself (he literally smashes mirrors and turns from every reflective surface), but Agatha is willing and able to drag him back into the light.

This is why the parallel to Petruvio & his wife works so well. The design to Dracula’s mind (and therefore the way out) is scattered across time and many myths. Agatha collects these and uses them to lead him out of the prison he’s made for himself, which has its visual parallel in the maps being hidden inside the wife’s portrait.

In other words, I cannot see Dracula with anyone else long term since he sees everyone else as a toy and/or a prey -- a means to an end. That’s how he sees Agatha at first, too, and it takes some time for him to realize that he made a mistake. This delayed realization can also be attributed to his bestial drive that has subdued the rest of him for so long, he really cannot cut through its wiring on his own; he came to exist to continue his existence, and the pointless circularity of this is the biggest trap: despite leaving loopholes, he’s still a prisoner of his own hunger & shame. Feeling for others would make it infinitely more painful but shedding empathy only provides a temporary release. Still, life lived solely for oneself is never fulfilling no matter how long it stretches forward, and the insatiable hunger Dracula feels gels nicely w/ this.

It’s Agatha who breaks the circle when she makes him confront the human origin of all this mess. Once she gets through to him, once she makes him remember, we can witness what Mofftiss call the “beginning of morality” and empathy seeping back into Dracula, and his existence takes on meaning when he chooses to sacrifice his immortality to take away her mortal pain. To me this feels like a direct call-back to the scene where he asks her if she is willing to die to save that terrified child and she tells him she would die to save any terrified child bc “there is a nobler purpose to my life than simply prolonging it.” But Dracula only comes to feel this nobler purpose where Agatha is concerned (baby steps :). He still doesn’t care about anyone else but that could be a juicy problem to tackle next season if there is one. *crosses fingers*

“they needed Agatha to stay human until the end of TDC - but, in that case, why bring her so late in the episode?”

I’m afraid only the writers can answer this one. But my best guess is that there are other characters from the novel -- Lucy especially -- they wanted to play with a little. Since I like them, too, and like how they planted them into this modern setting, I have no problem w/ Agatha taking her sweet time resurrecting. This was also a nice way to show just how bored & lost Dracula is in her absence (side note: him using Tinder as a takeout menu + complaining that he has to exercise now that everything is delivered and doesn’t have to be hunted down will never not be hilarious AF). I have seen a few fans complain about the pacing of ep 3 but I think it provides a nice, strategic contrast to the more dynamic previous episode, again highlighting why Agatha’s presence in his life was so invigorating and how her absence is the opposite -- he is a 500-year old warlord yet his life is now somehow... banal bc he has no worthy match.

“If he really want Agatha so badly, and since Zoe doesn’t come after him (she has other things in mind, understandably), why does he not? To see if his little ply worked? If his dear Agatha is back? The only time Renfield talks about Zoe, Dracula doesn’t seem remotely interested.”

I think he is interested (his suggestion to use bats as surveillance cracks me up every time) and he is waiting. He keeps tabs on the Harker Foundation from a safe distance and, to me, looks rather crestfallen when Renfield tells him that his lady friend (aka Van Helsing aka his “Agatha incubator”) left and seems to have lost all interest in Dracula. I think he expected a different outcome. It’s speculation but I think he expected Zoe to drink his blood (bc it doesn’t come as a surprise later when he notices the changes in her) and expected it to have an effect sooner and time is running out since Zoe is dying. Zoe was supposed to act similarly to the bed of his own native soil (she is a “bed” of Agatha’s DNA) and regenerate Agatha even if it’s temporary. So he is both staying away (survival is still key) and wants her to come after him again -- a delicious contradiction he can’t untangle by himself.

Lack of (threatening) interest, however, is a clear sign that Agatha is not back. If she were, he def wouldn’t have to go and check. She would waste no time seeking him (and indeed she wants to go after him the second she manifests and, as Zoe remarks, Dracula isn’t surprised to find her at his doorstep -- another parallel to ep 1 where it’s Agatha who anticipated him coming for his bride). I think he was waiting for her return just like Agatha was waiting for his in ep 2 (another parallel). It’s Renfield‘s remarks that drive this point home for me as he has a front row seat to what Dracula is like during these 3 months: “I wonder what it is you actually want,” and “What are you doing with your time?” I think it’s no coincidence that both of these questions get answered only w/ Agatha’s return. Dracula basically idles in the meantime. And the fact that it takes Agatha 3 months to properly manifest, when Zoe is the weakest, is def a testament to Zoe’s strength of character. She is a Van Helsing, after all. And they vanquish the monster in the smartest, most elegant way: by making him feel something other than blinding hunger for the first time in centuries.

[briinstardust]

okay so here we go. We’ll just start with some baseline. bear with me here.

Evan’s ready to come back to work, he suffers a medical emergency leading him to need to go onto blood thinners, and we are not told for how long he needs to be on them.

The problem starts here, Bobby visits Buck in the hospital. and sometime after this encounter decides that Buck is not ready to be in the field. Okay. he’s on blood thinners and doesn’t need to be in the field. period.

Evan is on light duty, as the new Fire Marshall and seems to be happy doing it. Evan stops by the firehouse to drop off the report of the 118′s fire drill. While at the firehouse Evan sees Lena Bosko, and some jealousy flares inside him. From context, we’re lead to believe it’s a jealousy that she’s “taking his place”, okay. fine. We know Evan has abandonment issues. Evan see’s Lena’s made herself comfortable in Buck’s locker. Okay. I can see why Buck is feeling jealous, and see why it feels, to Buck, like his place is being filled with someone else. fine.

This is where we see the rise of the problem. Bobby, okay yes they got a call and had to leave. He could have said, to Buck, there was something important he needed to talk to him about, and told him to call him later? idk, a conversation, a something, to let Buck know he needed to talk to him.

instead what we get is Athena assuming Bobby did the thing he said he was going to do, bc why would she need to think her husband didn’t do the thing he said he was going to do.

So Buck sees this lawyer, this lawyer is a monster. This lawyer preys on Buck. (We’ll come back to this point, I promise. pt.2) We see Buck stand up for himself, and for his team, and his family. “You want to know who’s got my back? They do. They’re more than co-workers, or friends. They’re my family. There is nothing stronger than family.” Evan Buckley says these words to a lawyer who is an absolute monster.

Okay so here are the actual events that happened.

Bobby now with no choice but to confront Buck, and no longer on his own terms, blames his wife, saying “I still can’t believe that you invited him without talking to me first.” to which Athena replies, “I just wanted him to know, that no matter what, he’s still family. Thought dinner would give you two time to work things out.” Assuming Bobby told him, and didn’t want Buck to feel “Thrown aside” for lack of a better word. So when Athena calls Buck to invite him to dinner, Buck accepts, and this is all under the impression that Buck knows what happened with the Chief and everything. Athena refers to him as family. (reference above. this is a mutual feeling.) Athena is trying to build a bridge here, for Evan, to show him he is not alone, just bc he cannot come back to work yet. Athena says “It sounds like you’re taking your health very seriously,” looking at her husband. an indication that she thinks Evan is mature enough to handle being spoken to like an adult. Evan starts spiraling, like he does, leading Bobby to proclaim, “I’m the dumbass. You’re not ready. That’s what I told them, when they asked.” But bc Bobby did not have this conversation with Buck before now, Evan is all up in his feelings when Bobby drops the bomb at the dinner table. This leads to Evan becoming very upset, and leaving the dinner table, and we assume he goes home, all up in his feelings.

The next scene is Evan in the monster’s office.  Evan says, “I’m not sure we have much to say to each other right now, anyways.” and I’m going to talk about this (my feelings ahead.)

Holy Shit. Evan. Is this what we’re doing? Okay Evan. Are you sure? Are you fucking sure about that? You don’t have much to say about anything, to the members of the 118. I’m sorry, not your co-workers, Not your friends, but your fucking family, and you don’t have much of anything to say to them right now? 

This man is entirely up in his feelings, his feelings towards Bobby, I mind you, and has for some reason I’m still unable to grasp, associated the rest of his family with Bobby Nash. Eddie Diaz, Henrietta Wilson, Howie Han, are now all associated with Bobby Nash, and are no longer individual humans who have individual relationships with Evan Buckley. This is how I’ve interpreted this statement by Evan Buckley.

So because Evan has forgotten these people are individual humans, he then says “I’m alone in this fight” to which I have to say. Are you alone Evan? Do you not have a sister who takes care of you? Do you not have a best friend with a kid, you could vent to about how unreasonable Bobby is being? Do you not have a healthy friendship with Henrietta Wilson and her wife, Karen Wilson, who both show you love and support? Do you not have a friend who you’ve known for years, who also happens to date your sister, and who has been on the same side of Bobby’s decision making, that you are on now? But you are alone in this fight. Ok.

So Buck is all up in his feelings, and the lawsuit ensues. Bobby Nash, then tries to blame his wife, for some shit that she literally had nothing to do with, “None of this would have happened if you hadn’t invited him over to dinner”. And I just need to know, what the actual fuck am I watching right now? bc in what goddamn universe is Athena Grant at all to blame for Buck being all up in his feelings? She was trying to build a bridge here, which she might have been able to do, if Bobby had actually had a conversation with Buck, like an adult, if he hadn’t treated Buck like a child (even if he was treating him like an adult child, still a child none the less), and talked to him about his concerns with Buck’s medial situation. Hell, if he’d talked to Buck at all. period. then dinner might have gone differently.

So we’ve all seen that arbitration scene, so I’ll just touch on a couple of things. bc we still have a long way to go.

Evan Buckley is suing the LAFD, on the grounds of Discriminatory and unequal treatment on the part of Captain Nash. upon hearing this, Bobby replies, “I don’t treat Buck any differently than any other firefighter on my watch.” And Sir, this is false. (I touched on this a little already, and we’ve all seen the scene and know what evidence they produce, so I’m gonna move on).

I just need to say that Henrietta Wilson couldn’t have been more supportive, in this situation, given the restrictions that she has, with what she can and can’t say, so I have absolutely nothing to comment on with her answer of, “Every patient is different. Every injury is different.” except, that I agree.  We know what the monster then says, and we already know how I feel about the monster (so see the referenced quote again, if you’re unsure)

I just need to address the hurt, and disappointment on Eddie’s face rn. Eddie is sitting across this table from Buck, and Evan Buckley has his head hung with shame. The only interview in which Buck starts with his head turned down in shame. Evan is trying his damn hardest not to look Eddie Diaz in his eyes. This man has shame all over his face.

“It does make me understand the chain of command” he says, looking directly at Buck. When Buck feels Eddie’s eyes on him and he turns his eyes up and meet’s Eddie’s. Just wow. It is already very clear to me how upset Eddie is with Evan. More than anything, this reads to me like hurt feelings. (will reference again. Pt.2.)

Buck has Eddie out here in some arbitration bullshit, like Eddie Diaz, doesn’t have other things to fucking do today. They are looking at each other across from this table, while they’re having a wordless fight with each other. The body language on these two? And it’s not even so much of a fight, than it is Eddie looking at Buck and thinking this is incredibly impulsive, and selfish behavior, and you took this entirely too far, and Eddie now has to deal with the fallout of this behavior. (this will get referenced again. Pt 2.)

Buck just doesn’t want to look at Eddie at all. The monster asks Eddie if he was ready to return to work after his wife’s death, Evan’s eyes are looking absolutely anywhere but across the table at Eddie. Absolutely anywhere else.

Bobby will the the last thing we address in this post, we’re gonna have to do a part 2, bc this was entirely too long. Bobby.

Buck’s look of absolute shock and horror, when that monster said “alcoholism”. the second that word left his mouth, Buck’s face was. oh my god. The shock is indescribable. and now Buck is so disappointed in himself. The eyes, His eyes. He looks like he’s 100% about to cry. The eyes, the lip tremble.

I will note that Bobby is giving Buck a look. Buck takes this look that Bobby is giving him, and the disappointment spreads all over Buck’s face.

um I feel like maybe I need to reference back to 1.04 here bc it gets referenced, Buck says maybe ask for help sometime, and Bobby does. Buck helps him without a second thought. He actually did everything within his power to help Bobby return to his job, as Fire Captain. Twice. (I am also referring to the suspension here yes.)

[in-tua-deep]

you cant just bring up an au where animals survive the apocalypse and not elaborate?????

v a l i d

okay so in this au, thirteen year old Five jumps and ends up in rubble and ruin and find his siblings and realizes that he is alone in the universe at the end of day

except Vanya didn’t destroy the moon in take one of the apocalypse, instead she was so angry at humanity for betraying her in every way - hey father, her siblings, even leonard in the end - that she decided that humanity didn’t deserve to exist. Her powers were a targeted strike, and they killed every living human before tearing her apart as well

so the animals are alive, the dogs, the cats, the deer, the rats, all left alive

and five is crying and gasping and looking at the dead bodies of his siblings and he hears a bark, and he turns around and it’s dog. it hasn’t been that long since the apocalypse, it knows humans, and it’s friendly, so it approaches this sad sad boy who is crying salt tears and tries to lick them away and be helpful and five is frightened at first because he’s never been around dogs but,, it’s a good dog, a nice dog, and he ends up curling around this dog and just bawling his eyes out

and he follows the dog. he doesn’t have anything better to do. and the dog leads him back to - you guess it, more dogs

and look, they aren’t going to attack him. they aren’t hungry. it’s an unfortunate fact that there is… currently plenty of food to go around, for the meat eaters among them at least, and they don’t even have to hunt it. It’s not a source of food Five could ever touch, of course, but the people of the city are dead so it’s not like they really care anymore

the dogs of the city adopt him, and so do the cats when Five goes out exploring. He gives them good scratches and they like rubbing themselves against his legs. He likes very much when they sit on him and rumble loudly and they’re very soft. 

the animals of the city quickly realize that their boy has human hands and can open things, so Five spends a lot of time following intelligent animals and prying open buckled in doors and gates and freeing trapped animals and also opening up cans and other food items that get brought to him because he has clever fingers and can open up things like that

Five talks to them a lot at first. He names them all and can recognize them, grinning and asking them how they’re doing and pretending they can respond to him in a way he understands. He talks a lot, because his is the only voice left in the apocalypse, save for barks and meows and growls

slowly he incorporates those into his vocabulary as well though, as the years pass on. A growl to tell someone to leave him alone, sharp yips when tiny teeth go too far, throwing his head back and adding to the baying howls when everyone is being noisy at night, figuring out how to make the rumble in his chest right back at the cats

he sleeps wherever he wants, surrounded by friends and feeling safe. Puppy piles and stinky breath, kittens pressed into his side with the mother cat curled up next to his neck as he sprawls out. he learns to associate sleep and safety with a dozen other bodies pressed against his own, warm and alive and noisy and beautiful

he still looks for equations, still reads in the library. Sometimes the only times he uses his words anymore is when he’s writing on the walls and explaining his equations to a dog with floppy ears and wise eyes who can help him catch any problems. a bit like rubber ducks and programmers

food isn’t as big an issue as the original timeline. Five learns to hunt, learns to wait and wait and then POUNCE and snap and then he has rat-mouse-bird whatever for dinner! the pack and the colony share what they can and Five is no different, he doesn’t keep all of his prey for himself and often scavenges what is left of people-food as well, also picking out plants and berries and other things to supplement his diet with

It’s not just cats and dogs either, Five learns to whistle-chirp at the birds in the morning and mimic their songs. He likes to sing to them when they sing back to him, it’s a little bit like having a conversation as they change up the tune and mimic one another back and forth, back and forth

Five has a hundred thousand conversations in the apocalypse, but none of them are human

well, only one of them is

He’s old and very close to a breakthrough when the Handler comes for him. He’s lived through generations of dogs-and-cats, his original companions long since passed. He’s a given fact of the pack-and-colony now, there isn’t an animal in the city who doesn’t know him and he them. She comes and she offers him a job, and Five hasn’t used his words in a long time but he knows the promise behind her smile. Knows he doesn’t have a real choice in this matter. If he says no, she will kill him to be sure that he never completes his equations. If he says yes, she will take him away from his pack, his colony, his family. It’s an impossible choice, but Five always did know that he wanted to go back, to save his siblings, he was still loyal-loyal-loyal and cared far too much

so he agreed. he spent a few more brief hours running through the city and whining his goodbyes to his family, hands reaching out and petting fur and bodies as they pressed against him. He grabbed the vanya-book he’d been keeping his equations in and passed it off as sentiment (his old family, the one he still loved so so much, he’d never found vanya’s body just her book)

He doesn’t sleep well in the commission. He would say it was the killing, but it’s not. It’s the loneliness. It’s the absence of a dozen bodies pressed against his own, warm and breathing and noisy and alive. It’s the absence of claws catching in his clothes, of wet noses pressing against his skull, of tiny heads headbutting him when he wasn’t paying enough attention for their liking. He’s so used to noise that the silence is unnerving

he gets his equation, and he seizes the opportunity with both hands. He falls-falls-falls into the courtyard and stares at the faces that he only knows from finding their bodies and he is jubilant, he howls his joy and it takes him a minute to realize that this is not-his-body

(he bets if his friends had been there to listen he would have caught whatever error he made, but the commission took all of his friends away from him)

he throws himself at his siblings with all the simple joy of family reuniting, and it feels right and good to once more be able to press himself against warm-living-breathing-loved bodies and he’s pulling out all the stops to say “i’m here! i’m home! family! i love you!” and he barely even notices that it isn’t human-verbal-words and that he’s rubbing his head against Klaus’s chest and rumbling like he would to greet a colony member after a long absence

The siblings are, obviously, very confused at this tiny-five-in-a-big-suit who is purring and howling and hasn’t spoken to them yet but is clearly so overjoyed by them being there

someone mentions food and Five’s attention is immediately caught and! Kitchen! he remembers the kitchen! his family might be hungry! and Five is a good provider and he’s still kind of caught up in the fact that his family is right there so maybe they’re confused when Five grabs a bag of marshmallows and tears it open with his teeth and then deposits a handful of marshmallows on everyone’s laps before going to town on his own portion. He missed marshmallows! A whole lot!

“Hey Five what the fuck” someone says “can we get an explanation here holy shit”

and Five remembers his mission oops he swallows his marshmallows and opens his mouth and makes human words come out and he asks them for the date. Eight days! Eight days until the apocalypse. He never did figure out what happened, all the structures had crumbled and all the humans had died but… how? He had the eye he took from his brother’s corpse, and a newspaper with the date it had happened, but he hadn’t been able to find much more

and this is a five who knows how to share, he’s spend forty some years (he doesn’t know his age, doesn’t know how long he was there, he stopped keeping track and brushes off that question when asked) basically sharing everything he had with a whole bunch of animals. What was his was theirs and what was theirs was his. So he shares with his siblings. He presses himself against Diego’s side and curls his arm around Allison’s and produces the glass eye and tells them proudly that Luther had it

everyone looks at Luther and he’s like “uhhh what? no i didn’t stop looking at me guys”

and Five frowns and is like “No not this luther, dead-Luther.”

and that does not help one bit

and with prodding Five basically reveals that he jumped to the apocalypse and found all their dead corpses (except for vanya’s! and ben’s! but he knows that ben was dead before now because of the book) and pried this gross crusty bloody glass eye out of Luther’s dead hand and everyone is horrified but Five is nodding and all like “Yes! How I recognized you! Look the same, because it happens in eight days. But we’ll stop it! No one dies!”

and he also presents Vanya’s books which is still stained with soot and ash and clearly beaten up to all hell and marked up with a whole bunch of equations that Five is clearly very proud of and you know what?? suddenly this apocalypse thing doesn’t seem too farfetched because Five is sitting here with vague proof and like, if Five didn’t go to the apocalypse then where did he get this shit and he must have gone SOMEWHERE after that dinner

(they do ask about his age and he looks very put out and is like “messed up! supposed to be older.” but when they ask how old, Five shrugs and is like “grey hair old? achey bones old.” and no one can get more of an answer out of him bc five just,, literally doesn’t know)

and you know what i’m going to say that animals are fucking amazing and that five gets to meet some old friends or that some old friends find him because of his gleeful howling/yelling in the courtyard upon arrival. if animals can see spirits and recognize people through reincarnations then i say they can be chill with time travel

so five goes outside and is tackled by a cat who immediately begins grooming his hair and five is just like !!! it’s mama cat! she was one of the first to find him in the apocalypse! she had babies! does she have babies now? and he’s purring and pressing his face against hers in greeting and his siblings are there like whhaaatttt

and it doesn’t help that he turns around and introduces them and is like “!! Mama these are my siblings! Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, and Vanya! this is mama!”

Mama cat eventually exits only to return carrying one of her jelly beans to Five’s absolute delight. He doesn’t remember them all being so small! He introduces the kittens to his siblings as well

one of them he actually named Allison in the apocalypse, and she’d been one he say frequently. They’d evolved over the years from calling her Allison to the more playful name of Allie-cat for the pun though, so that’s what he introduces that particular kitten as and they’re none the wiser

of course, he still leaves the house. But his siblings follow him. Five isn’t going for coffee though, doesn’t care about Griddy’s diner, because if Mama Cat remembers him then maybe - 

he gets out of the house and down the street before he’s tackled by a big dog and his siblings shout in alarm and run towards him but they quickly realize that a) the dog is not biting him he’s very enthusiastically licking Five, and b) Five is yipping in laughter and very enthusiastically greeting this stray dog

he actually does introduce the dog as diego earning a baffled squawk from human Diego and Five realizes the issue. After a quick nonverbal consult Five is like “Brother? This is Brother.”

the siblings quietly realize that oof, Five was in the apocalypse until his hair was White (bc he hasn’t talked about the commission yet) which is presumably a long time and he showed up growling and purring and has already introduced them to several animals who seem to be familiar with him and,,, just having some realizations over there

(diego is actually v touched that Five named one of his apocalypse companions after him but he’s not going to admit to that)

and then the hit squad show up and five kills them and Brother fucks up one of them and the other hargreeves quickly square up and also wreak havoc and eventually they’re all back home +1 dog and like “what the FUCK” and five is in a sharing kind of spirit and mama cat is already depositing one of her babies in his lap so he solemnly informs the squad about the commission and that they stole him from the apocalypse and made him heel

(he didn’t talk much in the commission, but they didn’t mind. He’d growled once when the Handler got too close to him, and she’d made a joke about him being a dog and being brought to heel. He hadn’t liked it, but he’d stopped growling and tried to be on his best behavior so they wouldn’t be suspicious of his activities)

basically there’s a lot more information sharing and belief in this au

the squad is like “you know what? we’ll deal with this in the morning. no one goes off on their own until we deal with the fuckin,, time travelling assassins and i can’t believe that phrase came out of my mouth”

and so everyone goes to bed

and five wavers because everyone goes to separate beds and that’s not right, is it? (though if he does think back, he does remember the lonely nights in lonely rooms, of suction cups against his forehead and nightmares gone uncomforted) 

and being a tiny bastard is like “well this won’t do right brother?? right mama cat?” and decides he’ll just have to show his siblings the PROPER way to sleep and so grabs vanya and tows her to klaus’s room where klaus drops something looking slightly guilty and five pushes vanya at the bed, brother needs no invitation and immediately hops up which klaus protests, and he’d have mama cat up here as well but she isn’t too sure about bringing her babies up on the bed yet which he understands. and it’s a tight fit because five shoves klaus into the bed as well and climbs in, ignoring any questions and protests, but it’s warm and safe and five actually feels like he can sleep for the first time in a long time

and eventually the protesting dies down when it becomes clear that nope, five isn’t going to be letting anyone leave the bed because it’s sleep time, everyone said so, and so they all settle down eventually and brother is lying half on Five’s leg, heavy and solid, and Five had hooked his free ankle around Vanya’s foot and is pressed against her and he’s got his hands fisted in Klaus’s shirt and everyone is here-safe-warm-alive

and they just go from there. they know about the apocalypse way earlier. vanya says she has to go to her apartment and five is unsure and eventually asks her if brother can go with her to keep her safe and she agrees (and brother HATES leonard the first time they meet and is very vocal about it leading to the cancellation of the lesson whoops)

hazel and cha-cha have far more difficulty finding five this time after five digs out his tracker (which horrifies all his siblings but 100% convinces them he’s telling the truth holy shit)

Five meets more animals he knows/knew though lots of them are actually pets and have humans which are alive!! he thinks that’s neat even as their humans are apologizing for their normally well behaved pets bowling down this 13yr old with enthusiasm and licks and delight

The siblings keep having to remind Five to ‘use his words’ when he huffs or growls or grumbles, and his siblings can’t read body language for SHIT which is certainly annoying. Brother and Mama Cat sympathize with his plight at least.

but yeah honestly maybe the apocalypse is averted by vanya having a dog which despises the very air leonard peabody breathes which alerts five to something hinky and, upon investigation, he finds the journal in leonard/harold’s possession and immediately presents it back to the family like “yes! see! brother isn’t being unreasonable!”

“five did you break into a man’s house because your dog didn’t like him”

i have a bad feeling that at least one animal is harmed in the making of this au and that they sacrifice themself for either five or one of the siblings oof

but yeah vanya doesn’t cause the apocalypse by virtue of everyone trying to figure out how to deal with their semi-feral little brother and his menagerie of animals and the rest of the time travel bullshit that follows along behind him

also orange idiot shows up at some point as well because i’m the maker of this random universe and i say so and five ALSO recognizes him and is absolutely delighted that apparently diego is orange’s human which makes them double family and diego is honestly in shock that orange idiot is sitting on five’s chest and purring like a steam engine because diego has never once heard that animal do anything more than hiss and growl before this day

i haven’t thought through the end as you can tell but hey maybe hazel and agnes end up adopting a nice big dog or five teaches hazel some of the birdcalls he learned in the apocalypse idk i like hazel

five rotates between his siblings for sleeping and they just learn to accept this and accept it if he selects them to dogpile in with at night. the kittens grow bigger because they live in the house now so it ends up being like, three humans, one dog, one cat, and four kittens in a bed each night where there is NOT enough room but they learn to deal because otherwise five just doesn’t sleep 

also five learns to take cues from the cats to figure out where ben is and include him in conversations

mr. pennycrumb also shows up at some point idk when

that’s all i got for now but i’ll probably come back to this

inspired by my cat who won’t stop trying to trip me up and headbutt my face and step on my stomach because he loves me